After two years I have the routine down. Nine months without kids I am getting the quantity part down. Now I just have to get the calorie/nutrition part right. Today's list is nothing but fruit, veggies and some chicken.
This is my current battle to be healthy
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Trust Yourself
"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Decision making has always been hard for me on a personal level. I can make decisions all day at work. I set the direction for the team and facility, I hire, I fire, I determine how to spend our resources. But, come home and even choosing what to eat can stop me dead in my tracks. It really has never bothered me. I surround myself with people at home to make the choices of what movie to see,what to do on the weekend, and even which direction to walk at night. But now the kids are gone, and my wife is heading to Spokane for the summer to study. I am left with the realization that I will have to decide how to use my time, what to feed myself, whether or not to go out to a bar with friends. It's not that I can't make these choices, it's that I am afraid I will make a wrong choice, a bad choice, a choice that will cause people to question my motives and thinking process. For all practical purposes I don't trust myself to make the decision that I think everyone else would be most happy and supportive of me making.
You see, many years back I found it easier to do what you (and i use "you" collectively) wanted, think what you wanted me to think, go where you wanted me to go. It became all about making others happy because it created less conflict, promoted harmony, reduced problems. What I failed to realize, was that each time I did this I lost a little more touch with myself. I remembered less about what was important to me, what made me feel alive, what I was passionate about. I stopped thinking about me on a personal level and now I find myself unable to trust that I can make a good decision for me. I don't want to make the decision that I think you want me to make anymore. I want to make that decision which is best for me, the one i know will put a smile on my face, that will take me in the direction I need to go. I want to exercise my ability to think freely and chose rightly for me. I need to trust that I can make good decisions for myself and as the quote says, i will know how to live. It's time for me to grow up in this area of my life. Look out world, here I come.
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